Ending your marriage usually creates financial, emotional and legal challenges. That is especially true when children are involved.
During a divorce with kids, you need to navigate issues related to custody and child support while making sure to always act in your children’s best interests.
This guide to divorce with kids helps you better understand what to expect so you make smart choices that protect your children’s future while ending your marriage and moving forward with your own life.
How Does the Process of Divorce With Kids Work?
If you are considering getting a divorce with kids, you need to understand the steps that are involved in this process. Here’s what you can expect to happen as you try to end your marriage.
Filing for Divorce
Filing a petition for divorce is the first key step that starts off the process of dissolving your marriage.
In some states, you must be separated for a period of time before you can move forward with divorce but this is not the case everywhere so be sure you understand your state’s requirements before you file.
You usually file for divorce in a court in the county where you and/or your spouse currently resides. States also have residency requirements, so be sure you have lived locally long enough before submitting your court forms.
The exact forms you file depend on the state you live and file in. In general, however, more documentation is required when you file for divorce with minor children than if you are filing to end a marriage in which no children were produced. For example, you may need to submit forms related to parenting plans and child support.
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Temporary Hearings/Emergency Orders
Divorce can take time, and sometimes you cannot wait until formally dissolving your marriage before certain legal issues are addressed. If that’s the case, a temporary hearing may be necessary and/or you may need to petition the court to enter certain emergency orders.
You may need to take this type of action if:
- You or your children are at risk of abusive behavior perpetrated by your spouse
- There is a dispute over access to the children while waiting for the divorce to take place
- There is a dispute over financial support for the children
- There is a dispute over the family’s living situation and/or over who should have access to the primary home
The court can address these issues on a temporary basis, including by issuing a domestic violence restraining order if necessary, until you can move forward with finalizing your divorce.
Creating a Divorce Settlement Agreement
Many issues need to be addressed in a divorce with kids, including child custody, spousal and child support, living arrangements, shared decision-making and more.
If you and your spouse can come to an agreement on these issues, you can draft a settlement agreement yourselves that will become the terms of your divorce judgment. Some couples go to mediation to work out an agreement while others work on their own or with their lawyers.
If you are unable to come to an agreement, however, you will need to go to trial, present evidence and let the court decide on these important issues.
Dissolution of Marriage
After you file a petition for divorce, your spouse must be served with divorce papers in accordance with your state’s requirements. This could involve paying the sheriff or a process server to serve your spouse with papers.
Your spouse then has a set period of time to respond. They can dispute the facts in your court filings, agree with them or enter a counter-complaint of their own.
After this response, court proceedings are scheduled. This could include a short hearing to dissolve your marriage in a simple uncontested divorce. Or you might need to proceed to trial where you and your spouse each present witnesses and evidence in support of your preferred outcome on custody, support and property division.
In general, a court appearance will be required–even in an uncontested divorce–if there are children involved. While some courts allow a judgment on the pleadings in simple divorce cases, this is usually not an option in more complex situations where issues related to custody and child support must be determined.
Is It Possible to Get an Uncontested Divorce With Kids?
An uncontested divorce is typically the simplest and cheapest way to end a marriage. You don’t go to trial so you save time and money, and you and your spouse come to an agreement that makes sense for you.
In general, it is possible–and even encouraged–to get an uncontested divorce with kids. However, this means you and your spouse will need to agree on all of the issues that must be addressed in your divorce settlement. That includes:
- How physical custody will be shared (Where will children spend their time)
- How legal custody will be shared (Who will make decisions affecting the children)
- Where the parents and children will live
- When and how child support will be paid
- How marital property will be divided
- Whether alimony will be paid
If you cannot come to agreement on these issues yourself, working with a mediator could help you to do so.
Your attorney can also help you to understand the state laws that apply related to custody, support and other issues. That way, you can make informed choices to protect your interests and your child’s interests.
How Child Custody Is Determined
Child custody is determined based on the best interests of the child.
You and your spouse can agree on a parenting plan and specify how physical and legal custody will be shared. Physical custody refers to where children spend their time, and legal custody refers to who makes decisions on their behalf such as what schools they should attend or what medical care is appropriate.
If you cannot agree, the court decides on how custody should be shared. Courts generally err on the side of continued contact with both parents and consider many factors including who has been the primary caregiver and the stability of the home each parent can provide, as well as the child’s needs.
How Child Support Is Determined
Child support is determined based on the respective incomes of the parents and on how custody is shared. Most states have set formulas for how child support is to be calculated.
Parents who deviate from the state guidelines when creating their own plan for child support are usually required to provide justification for their alternative.
Tips for a Successful Divorce With Kids
Divorce with kids can be a challenge, but there are steps you can take to make the process easier. Here are some tips to help.
Shield Children From Divorce Proceedings
In most cases, children should not be present during divorce proceedings, and you should limit the information you share with them. It can be upsetting for kids to see their parents fighting in front of a judge, especially if allegations of adultery or abuse are made.
Don’t Badmouth the Other Parent
Parental alienation is a serious problem that can have lifelong consequences. It can also affect custody decisions made by the court. Parents should try to avoid bad mouthing each other or complaining about each other to their children.
Think Long-Term
Finally, it is important to consider your children’s needs over the long-term. For example, you may want to make a plan for how college costs will be shared as a part of your divorce settlement agreement even if your kids are still quite young.
Getting Legal Help During a Divorce With Kids
An experienced divorce lawyer can help if you are going through a divorce with kids. Your attorney can explain how the laws in your state govern important issues such as custody and child support. Your lawyer can also help you negotiate a settlement or make a persuasive case in court so you can maximize the chances of your preferred outcomes as your marriage comes to an end.
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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What should I consider when divorcing with kids?
When divorcing with kids, you need to address issues such as child support, physical custody and legal custody. You also want to make the divorce as easy on your children as possible, which may mean trying to negotiate a settlement agreement outside of court to allow for an uncontested divorce.
Is it better to divorce or stay together for the kids?
Most parenting experts believe it is best for parents to model healthy relationships for children. This means if parents cannot get along, it is typically best for children if they divorce and each parent is able to be happier and build a more satisfying home life.
How can you make divorce easier for kids?
Making divorce easier for kids involves shielding them from the legal proceedings, not bad mouthing or blaming the other parent and working on ways to co-parent that are in the best interests of the child. Often, an uncontested divorce can be a better approach as this allows parents to come to a settlement agreement that works best for their family’s needs.
